I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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