Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
