I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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