My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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