The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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