Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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