those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
