I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
