I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
