Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
