We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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