I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize