Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
