I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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