But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
