dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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