sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
