i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
