broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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