Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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