Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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