If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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