Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
