And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
