Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
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