If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
