Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
