All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
