I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
