he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
