Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
