Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
