i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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