did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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