is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
