i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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