community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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