she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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