apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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