i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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