I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
