Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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