I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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