I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
