Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
