this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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