Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
