you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
