Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
