I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize