i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
