lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
