You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Will you blow on my dice?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
