your parents love me but you hate me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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