I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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