I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
