theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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