I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
