By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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