Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
now i know why i became what i already was.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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