how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
