oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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