Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
