I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize