Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
