Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
