do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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