the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
