did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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