I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
