i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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