4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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