he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
sex in a hospital.. check
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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