And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
