She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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