Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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