one might say we're banned from that church
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
