but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
