This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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