I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
did i just pee glitter
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
