thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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